Life and Death, A day of mixed emotions!

It was approximately 11pm on the eleventh of October, 2004 when the contractions started again. Since I’d had 2 false alarms previously, I was determined to wait until I knew it was really labour this time before I bothered the midwives again.

Suddenly the phone rang, I answered it with trepidation. Calls at this time of night are never good news.  I was right,  unfortunately it was our aunty calling to tell us that our beloved Uncle Rob was in hospital with bleeding on his brain.  My husband was distraught and didn’t know what to do, torn between being at the hospital with Rob and the family and being there for me as our 3rd daughter made her grand entrance.  Of course I made him go see his uncle,  just in case he didn’t get to say goodbye.

The plan was for me to stay home and contact his sister, who was very close and had no idea Rob was in ICU.  Dee was also our babysitter when I went into hospital but she wouldn’t answer her phone. She would be shattered if she did not say goodbye to her favourite uncle so I sent her brother off on another errand,  this time to go bash on her windows and take her to ICU as soon as she wakes up.

If the contractions increased before he got back,  I was to call an ambulance and meet hubby at the birthing unit.  First,  I had to organise a backup babysitter. Thank God Wendy was home and happily took our toddlers for the night.

As we entered into the early hours of the twethfth of October,  two things became certain.  Rob’s condition was deteriorating fast and this was not another false labour, our baby girl had decided she would definitely be making her appearance within the next few hours. I hoped we could hold on till the family said goodbye, trying to pretend that I wasn’t worried that I wouldn’t get a chance to say goodbye or that the contractions weren’t that painful.

Finally at around 7:30am, hubby dropped me at the delivery suite on his way back to ICU and I prepared myself mentally in case I had to give birth alone.

Uncle Rob passed away at 8am,  to everyone’s distress.  Hubby made it back just in time to meet Alicia. 

I often wonder if Uncle Rob and Alicia both held off going toward their respective lights, especially when Alicia perfectly mimmicks his mannerisms without ever meeting him.


Back to basics…. 

When I was little we lived on a remote(ish) self sufficient property. Back then I took it for granted. There was nothing more I wanted than the chance to break free of life on the land and experience the”city” in all it’s glory. Now I live in the city and find myself missing the farm like crazy.

I’m sure I never had anxiety living on the farm. Country people never seem to be in a rush, they always find time spare to bond with nature or help a friend, time seems to move differently out there. It’s amazing how the urge to dash to and fro disappears almost as soon as you go from tar to dirt roads. All the locals still wave at strangers as if they’ve been friends for years as they pass them driving on a lonely dirt road. 

The Companion

The road was rough, hardly more than a track really. There was a jangle as the cart it hit a pothole, making it harder than ever to hear my quietly spoken companion. I strained my ears as hard as possible to no avail. Risking a harsh glare I asked her to repeat her question. She took my deafness with good grace, yet I still did not hear her question. It was lost in the wind, the cart shattering with a terrifying crunch as it hit the dirt. Both quiet companion & myself stunned into silence as we caterpaulted through the air into the frozen dam. I can’t breathe, can’t see, can’t move, can’t stop myself sinking into non existance. As I lose consciousness, my mind drifts back to our conversation. Somehow I hear her question yet cannot answer, the icy water has my soul.

©BeCre8ive, All rights reserved 2017

Love or insanity? 

Overthinking, brain fractured, 

trust mattered, heart sinking, confidence shattered.

Insecurities or intuition? The question remains, can trust be regained?

Confusuion consumes her, is she insane? In too deep,  at the end of her Tether, hoping their connection is not an illusion. 

© BeCre8ive, All rights reserved 2017