My beautiful nightmare…

Communication., such an easy concept in theory. We  simlply say what’s on our minds, listen to each other’s concerns and work out a mutually beneficial solution together, yet  it seems almost impossible for me to communicate effectively with anybody these days? 
It’s even harder when you want nothing more than to believe the things your loved ones say but every fibre of your being is screaming out that they’re lying & not doing it well!  Why bother trying to have an honest d&m if one party continues to lie & then deny? After a while you start to wonder if it’s because they care about you & are worried you’ll be hurt by their actions or if they simply think you’re stupid and don’t respect you or your relationship at all. The child in me reacts by going silent, deciding to give him the same level of respect he’s showing me, inwardly dealing with each lie exposed . Somehow my silence is interpreted as being cryptic when it’s really the only way for me to weigh & process the information in my own time. My poor old heart just gets heavier every time I give him the benefit of doubt and then find out I was right to be worried. 
The thing that breaks me the most is that I know that I am extremely  tolerant & non judgmental. My love is given freely without conditions or expectation’s, especially with my inner circle. All I ask is that they have the moxy to tell me if they don’t feel the same even if it will hurt me. People think t’s kinder for all if they hide the truth, nobody likes to be the cause of someone’s heartache. In reality, nothing is further from the truth when the truth finally comes out (and it always does) if they have been lying all along despite all the “easy outs” you tried to offer. 
He spits out in a burst of anger that he told me at the start that he’s  a shit person and I didn’t listen as if it’s a valid argument. It’s not, and he’s not seeing the same yldguy I see. We all have the capability to be shit people, and we’re all given  the choice  of NOT being shit. He’s a good man but he is a shit liar. xx

Published by Normally insane

Mother, Photographer, Sarcasm Master & overthinker. A mere speckle of sand in the vast scope of this wonderful universe.

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